Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Tax Exemption And The Wench Mum
I always only associated tax exemption with married couples, single mothers, and people with low income. I had completely forgotten about supporting crazy old ladies!
This year, in March, the Wench Mum turns 61 years old, and she is RETIRING!! And guess who (on paper) will be looking after the little old dear, to support her medical bills, and pension contributions. Me.
Yes, as of March this year, without having to be on low income or having to get hitched (giving birth in 3 months is impossible, so I will exclude the last possibility) I can have my income tax reduced because I have a DEPENDANT!!
WOOHOO!!
I can proudly say that I look after a 61 year old biddy who lives in the projects, and has almost no income. While she is on paper a board member of my brother's company with a cash "income" so I don't really need to support her financially.
Christ, our "family" is so tight! We all look out for each other, huh? But my only concern is that *if* my mother's crazy antics are just an indication of alzheimer's disease, I technically have to look after her... hmm. Is this wise? Nah, she never had her marbles to LOSE them in the first place! She has always been a bit not with it...
Can someone remove her genes from me?
This year, in March, the Wench Mum turns 61 years old, and she is RETIRING!! And guess who (on paper) will be looking after the little old dear, to support her medical bills, and pension contributions. Me.
Yes, as of March this year, without having to be on low income or having to get hitched (giving birth in 3 months is impossible, so I will exclude the last possibility) I can have my income tax reduced because I have a DEPENDANT!!
WOOHOO!!
I can proudly say that I look after a 61 year old biddy who lives in the projects, and has almost no income. While she is on paper a board member of my brother's company with a cash "income" so I don't really need to support her financially.
Christ, our "family" is so tight! We all look out for each other, huh? But my only concern is that *if* my mother's crazy antics are just an indication of alzheimer's disease, I technically have to look after her... hmm. Is this wise? Nah, she never had her marbles to LOSE them in the first place! She has always been a bit not with it...
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Christmas Dinner And The "Lizard Girl"
Christmas dinner with the Wench Mum and my brother at a restaurant of my choice this year went well, I suppose. The WM was giddy on the free champagne that came with the set, and was on full form with her totally off the tangent comments.
My brother, BwanaK, has a new girl friend, whose name sounds like "Lizard" according to the Wench Mum. (say no more...) She has never pronounced the girl's name correctly, and even when she is searching in her memory banks for the poor girl's name we get a mere, "How's your new girl friend doing? What's her name... um. Little Lizard?"
My poor brother was smiling, but I could see a little twich in the corner of his smile. Even he does not have the patience to listen to the Wench Mum call his woman "lizard".
The icing on the cake of the evening was when the Wench Mum made a passing comment:"I hope she's not like a real lizard. They regenerate when you cut off their tail you know?"
MUM!! Kaoru's girlfriend is not like Terminator 2!!!! She is not going to regenerate and come back to stalk my brother if you chop off her arms, or legs! You crazy old woman, just go and sip your free champagne, and stop tauning your son!!!
Can someone remove her genes from me?
My brother, BwanaK, has a new girl friend, whose name sounds like "Lizard" according to the Wench Mum. (say no more...) She has never pronounced the girl's name correctly, and even when she is searching in her memory banks for the poor girl's name we get a mere, "How's your new girl friend doing? What's her name... um. Little Lizard?"
My poor brother was smiling, but I could see a little twich in the corner of his smile. Even he does not have the patience to listen to the Wench Mum call his woman "lizard".
The icing on the cake of the evening was when the Wench Mum made a passing comment:"I hope she's not like a real lizard. They regenerate when you cut off their tail you know?"
MUM!! Kaoru's girlfriend is not like Terminator 2!!!! She is not going to regenerate and come back to stalk my brother if you chop off her arms, or legs! You crazy old woman, just go and sip your free champagne, and stop tauning your son!!!
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Silence Is Golden?
The Wench Mum has recently been silent since I moved out of that dreadfully messy house of hers on July 31st. I thought I was spared from some of her crazy antics until I got a call from her on Sunday morning as I was doing the house work.
"Hello Dear! Just called to say hello, and to see how you are?!"
(you can't see me, mum. I am on the other end of a "normal" phone?!)
"I'm fine mum, just mopping the floor."
"Oh you know I've been doing fine -- yesterday we had the local community bazaar and I decided to get rid of some of your brother's stuff that has been lying around here for a while."
"What? You mean all his T-shirts and stuff, right?"
"No, no. All those toys he had of Ultraman, that 'Star Wars' thing -- oh, that round plastic thing was a bit heavy to carry."
"Mum, you don't mean you sold his collector's item 'Death Star' to a local flea market, did you? All those 'toys' are worth a lot! I hope you got good money for those things, otherwise he will be pissed off!!"
**Silence**
"Well, I gave some of it away to the kids -- they like toys you know. Remember when you were a kid and.... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."
Boy, my brother is going to be pissed off when he finds out his Star Wars (originally series) collection is now in the hands of some 5 year old who has no concept of the value of the piece of plastic he is happily smashing onto the floor.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
"Hello Dear! Just called to say hello, and to see how you are?!"
(you can't see me, mum. I am on the other end of a "normal" phone?!)
"I'm fine mum, just mopping the floor."
"Oh you know I've been doing fine -- yesterday we had the local community bazaar and I decided to get rid of some of your brother's stuff that has been lying around here for a while."
"What? You mean all his T-shirts and stuff, right?"
"No, no. All those toys he had of Ultraman, that 'Star Wars' thing -- oh, that round plastic thing was a bit heavy to carry."
"Mum, you don't mean you sold his collector's item 'Death Star' to a local flea market, did you? All those 'toys' are worth a lot! I hope you got good money for those things, otherwise he will be pissed off!!"
**Silence**
"Well, I gave some of it away to the kids -- they like toys you know. Remember when you were a kid and.... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."
Boy, my brother is going to be pissed off when he finds out his Star Wars (originally series) collection is now in the hands of some 5 year old who has no concept of the value of the piece of plastic he is happily smashing onto the floor.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Friday, May 27, 2005
Hey You, Mister!
Does your mother talk to the TV? Mine does... The Wench Mum was sitting with me having a TV dinner; we were watching the news when she suddenly stood up and started to talk to the TV anchor man.
"Hey, you, mister! What happened to the baseball results from yesterday? I was watching the Hanshin Tigers match that went into penalty time, and I never saw the results. You're going to tell me the results, right? Cummon. Hurry up, tell me the results!"
"Ummm... Mum. Why are you speaking to the TV?"
(and after a while the results are announced. her team won the match.)
"YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!", and with that the 60year old biddy stood up, and started to do a victory dance around the living room.
"MUM!!!! WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN! YOU ARE AN OLD LADY! YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE RUNNING AROUND DOING THE MEXICAN WAVE IN THE LIVING ROOM! ACT YOUR AGE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
"Hey, you, mister! What happened to the baseball results from yesterday? I was watching the Hanshin Tigers match that went into penalty time, and I never saw the results. You're going to tell me the results, right? Cummon. Hurry up, tell me the results!"
"Ummm... Mum. Why are you speaking to the TV?"
(and after a while the results are announced. her team won the match.)
"YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!", and with that the 60year old biddy stood up, and started to do a victory dance around the living room.
"MUM!!!! WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN! YOU ARE AN OLD LADY! YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE RUNNING AROUND DOING THE MEXICAN WAVE IN THE LIVING ROOM! ACT YOUR AGE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Crap Cuisine
Years of living off processed foods has made the Wench Mum's taste buds inert. Her crazy recipes include plain boiled spinach on rice, butter+soysauce+rice, stir-fried bitter cucumber (plain) with bread, cabbage dumplings, and many more. Every time she attempts to make "grub" for us I am always amazed how the expensive, organic vegitables can turn into such monstrous goulash of foul flavours. It has got to that point where my brother makes dinner for us when he visits, and I bluntly tell the Wench Mum that I don't want to eat whatever she is making.
Yesterday she offered to make lunch. "Do you want some of my Crap Cuisine?"
"Wench Mum, what are you making?" (out of politeness)
"I am making some unappetising pasta, as you would say, DWR. I am going to make some old fashioned Japanese style pasta that you can find in greasy diners. My old time favourite; brings me fond memories of home style cooking."
"Wench Mum, you don't mean that disgusting spaghetti where you under cook the onions, fry some processed ham together with some undercooked peppers and mix that up with the pasta and flavour it with Ketchup?"
"Yes that is the one. The old fashioned Japanese style pasta 'Neapolitan', just like the pasta you find in greasy diners."
"No thanks, Wench Mum, I think I will have some Penne Carbonara."
With that the Wench Mum went humming to the kitchen to add some ketchup with undercooked vegitables to her spaghetti... with pleasure.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Yesterday she offered to make lunch. "Do you want some of my Crap Cuisine?"
"Wench Mum, what are you making?" (out of politeness)
"I am making some unappetising pasta, as you would say, DWR. I am going to make some old fashioned Japanese style pasta that you can find in greasy diners. My old time favourite; brings me fond memories of home style cooking."
"Wench Mum, you don't mean that disgusting spaghetti where you under cook the onions, fry some processed ham together with some undercooked peppers and mix that up with the pasta and flavour it with Ketchup?"
"Yes that is the one. The old fashioned Japanese style pasta 'Neapolitan', just like the pasta you find in greasy diners."
"No thanks, Wench Mum, I think I will have some Penne Carbonara."
With that the Wench Mum went humming to the kitchen to add some ketchup with undercooked vegitables to her spaghetti... with pleasure.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Friday, May 06, 2005
Snoring
The Wench Mum must be stressed. She has taken loads of sleeping pills to help her sleep... I can hear her snoring in her futon right now. I know she is noisy, but at least I know that she is still alive. Crazy as she is, I worry for her safety. If her recent outbursts are attributed to something quite serious, I am at a risk of following her path and punching walls in 30 years time....
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Being Famous On TV
Once again the Wench Mum has thrown a fit; this time however she has gone so far that she has injured herself. The Wench Mum, who is no taller than 5ft, began to punch the walls after I altered our plan to go shopping today, and now her knuckles are looking as if she has gone thru several rounds in an underground boxing match. If I didn't stop her I am sure that there would have been sirens and police involvement.
I fail to understand how a mother of two normal children can degenerate to the same level as your average 3 year old. I can deal with her eccentricity, but the violence? No way. How on earth did she get this way? I just pray every day that this trait is not hereditary, and that it was the environment in which she was raised that makes her this way, coz I really don't want any of my family members being handcuffed and taken away while being filmed by the crew of COPS.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
I fail to understand how a mother of two normal children can degenerate to the same level as your average 3 year old. I can deal with her eccentricity, but the violence? No way. How on earth did she get this way? I just pray every day that this trait is not hereditary, and that it was the environment in which she was raised that makes her this way, coz I really don't want any of my family members being handcuffed and taken away while being filmed by the crew of COPS.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
