Friday, May 27, 2005
Hey You, Mister!
Does your mother talk to the TV? Mine does... The Wench Mum was sitting with me having a TV dinner; we were watching the news when she suddenly stood up and started to talk to the TV anchor man.
"Hey, you, mister! What happened to the baseball results from yesterday? I was watching the Hanshin Tigers match that went into penalty time, and I never saw the results. You're going to tell me the results, right? Cummon. Hurry up, tell me the results!"
"Ummm... Mum. Why are you speaking to the TV?"
(and after a while the results are announced. her team won the match.)
"YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!", and with that the 60year old biddy stood up, and started to do a victory dance around the living room.
"MUM!!!! WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN! YOU ARE AN OLD LADY! YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE RUNNING AROUND DOING THE MEXICAN WAVE IN THE LIVING ROOM! ACT YOUR AGE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
"Hey, you, mister! What happened to the baseball results from yesterday? I was watching the Hanshin Tigers match that went into penalty time, and I never saw the results. You're going to tell me the results, right? Cummon. Hurry up, tell me the results!"
"Ummm... Mum. Why are you speaking to the TV?"
(and after a while the results are announced. her team won the match.)
"YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!", and with that the 60year old biddy stood up, and started to do a victory dance around the living room.
"MUM!!!! WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN! YOU ARE AN OLD LADY! YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE RUNNING AROUND DOING THE MEXICAN WAVE IN THE LIVING ROOM! ACT YOUR AGE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Crap Cuisine
Years of living off processed foods has made the Wench Mum's taste buds inert. Her crazy recipes include plain boiled spinach on rice, butter+soysauce+rice, stir-fried bitter cucumber (plain) with bread, cabbage dumplings, and many more. Every time she attempts to make "grub" for us I am always amazed how the expensive, organic vegitables can turn into such monstrous goulash of foul flavours. It has got to that point where my brother makes dinner for us when he visits, and I bluntly tell the Wench Mum that I don't want to eat whatever she is making.
Yesterday she offered to make lunch. "Do you want some of my Crap Cuisine?"
"Wench Mum, what are you making?" (out of politeness)
"I am making some unappetising pasta, as you would say, DWR. I am going to make some old fashioned Japanese style pasta that you can find in greasy diners. My old time favourite; brings me fond memories of home style cooking."
"Wench Mum, you don't mean that disgusting spaghetti where you under cook the onions, fry some processed ham together with some undercooked peppers and mix that up with the pasta and flavour it with Ketchup?"
"Yes that is the one. The old fashioned Japanese style pasta 'Neapolitan', just like the pasta you find in greasy diners."
"No thanks, Wench Mum, I think I will have some Penne Carbonara."
With that the Wench Mum went humming to the kitchen to add some ketchup with undercooked vegitables to her spaghetti... with pleasure.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Yesterday she offered to make lunch. "Do you want some of my Crap Cuisine?"
"Wench Mum, what are you making?" (out of politeness)
"I am making some unappetising pasta, as you would say, DWR. I am going to make some old fashioned Japanese style pasta that you can find in greasy diners. My old time favourite; brings me fond memories of home style cooking."
"Wench Mum, you don't mean that disgusting spaghetti where you under cook the onions, fry some processed ham together with some undercooked peppers and mix that up with the pasta and flavour it with Ketchup?"
"Yes that is the one. The old fashioned Japanese style pasta 'Neapolitan', just like the pasta you find in greasy diners."
"No thanks, Wench Mum, I think I will have some Penne Carbonara."
With that the Wench Mum went humming to the kitchen to add some ketchup with undercooked vegitables to her spaghetti... with pleasure.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Friday, May 06, 2005
Snoring
The Wench Mum must be stressed. She has taken loads of sleeping pills to help her sleep... I can hear her snoring in her futon right now. I know she is noisy, but at least I know that she is still alive. Crazy as she is, I worry for her safety. If her recent outbursts are attributed to something quite serious, I am at a risk of following her path and punching walls in 30 years time....
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Being Famous On TV
Once again the Wench Mum has thrown a fit; this time however she has gone so far that she has injured herself. The Wench Mum, who is no taller than 5ft, began to punch the walls after I altered our plan to go shopping today, and now her knuckles are looking as if she has gone thru several rounds in an underground boxing match. If I didn't stop her I am sure that there would have been sirens and police involvement.
I fail to understand how a mother of two normal children can degenerate to the same level as your average 3 year old. I can deal with her eccentricity, but the violence? No way. How on earth did she get this way? I just pray every day that this trait is not hereditary, and that it was the environment in which she was raised that makes her this way, coz I really don't want any of my family members being handcuffed and taken away while being filmed by the crew of COPS.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
I fail to understand how a mother of two normal children can degenerate to the same level as your average 3 year old. I can deal with her eccentricity, but the violence? No way. How on earth did she get this way? I just pray every day that this trait is not hereditary, and that it was the environment in which she was raised that makes her this way, coz I really don't want any of my family members being handcuffed and taken away while being filmed by the crew of COPS.
Can someone remove her genes from me?
