Wench Mum Chronicles

1. "Did you remember to pack the surgical spirit (methanol)? Make sure you disinfect your hands before AND after you eat your meal. You don't know what kind of germs they have on your cutlery." (Wench Mum, would you like me to disinfect the cutlery as well?)
2. "Make sure you gargle with iodine before you go to bed. You never know what kind of germs they have in the sea." (Wench Mum, can I instead pollute the tropical sea with bucketfuls of iodine so that all the germs are killed and I don't HAVE to gargle before I go to bed?)
3. "Do not eat raw vegitables in the tropics. They may be washing your lettuce in sewage water." (Wench Mum, who in their right mind is going to wash lettuce with toilet water! Especially on a resort!!!)
4. "Don't use tampons in hot countries. You might get a yeast infection." (Wench Mum!!! I am on a ROMANTIC HOLIDAY!! I am NOT going to be shedding my endometrial lining while on holiday. I don't intend to ruin my sex-life while I am here!)
5. "Are you alive?" (No, Wench Mum, I am dead, and I am talking to you from a dirty morgue with no air conditioning. Sorry, can you speak up? My ear has rotten off and I can't hear you so well. Oh, and the damned maggots are really itchy.)
6. "Don't drink the water, and make sure you don't drink anything with ice in it. But make sure you don't dehydrate, drink lots of fluids. Water's the best. But don't drink the water." (Wench Mum... you make no sense!)

This is not right. There is something wrong with the Wench Mum -- I was almost certain that she was going to call me on day one to tell me to always wear a bullet proof vest and a blue helmet with the UN symbol on it. "They have guns in the US you know! GUNS!!!!!"

Can someone remove her genes from me?

# posted by Drunken Wench Rambler : 9:45 pm