Saturday, March 12, 2005
Birthday Presents
The Wench Mum will be celebrating her 60th birthday this year on the 15th of March. I wanted to be a good daughter and buy her something special for her birthday present. I sat with her over dinner and reminded her of the upcoming celebratory day.
"So Wench Mum, what would you like for your 60th birthday?" I asked trying to sound enthusiastic, knowing that she will come up with something that is totally silly like "Oh I would like a jet-ski" when she neither has a boat license, nor can she swim.
She sat there for a little while thinking about what she could have for her birthday, when she suddenly raised her right arm and started to "throw" imaginary projectiles towards my face. The woman's madness has just reached a new level; I am sitting opposite a woman who is swinging her arms in complete silence over the dinner table. Even the cats are chosing to ignore her actions.
"A dart board. I want a dart board DWR. I don't want one of those plastic, electronic things. I want the real thing, with real darts."
A 60 year-old biddy, who does not live in the real world, armed with "real" darts is a public nuicance, and a REAL danger to those that live within 10m of her (i.e. me and the cats). This year for her birthday she is not getting what she has asked for. Once she can prove to me that she will not be a menace with her declining motor functions and that it was not sinility that lead to her poor original judgment, I will buy her a kiddy dartboard with suction cups on the end of the darts. My vet bills are high enough as it is without adding treatment fees for my "impaled cats". No way.
Dartboards my foot! You are getting bifocals this year, mum!!
Can someone remove her genes from me?
"So Wench Mum, what would you like for your 60th birthday?" I asked trying to sound enthusiastic, knowing that she will come up with something that is totally silly like "Oh I would like a jet-ski" when she neither has a boat license, nor can she swim.
She sat there for a little while thinking about what she could have for her birthday, when she suddenly raised her right arm and started to "throw" imaginary projectiles towards my face. The woman's madness has just reached a new level; I am sitting opposite a woman who is swinging her arms in complete silence over the dinner table. Even the cats are chosing to ignore her actions.
"A dart board. I want a dart board DWR. I don't want one of those plastic, electronic things. I want the real thing, with real darts."
A 60 year-old biddy, who does not live in the real world, armed with "real" darts is a public nuicance, and a REAL danger to those that live within 10m of her (i.e. me and the cats). This year for her birthday she is not getting what she has asked for. Once she can prove to me that she will not be a menace with her declining motor functions and that it was not sinility that lead to her poor original judgment, I will buy her a kiddy dartboard with suction cups on the end of the darts. My vet bills are high enough as it is without adding treatment fees for my "impaled cats". No way.
Dartboards my foot! You are getting bifocals this year, mum!!
Can someone remove her genes from me?
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