Monday, February 21, 2005
I Really Love You, But...
I am on holiday right now. I have spoken to the Wench Mum 4 times now in 2 days...
Mum. I love you, but can you leave me alone?
(are all mothers like this???? she is fucking insane!!!!)
Alas. I could not find a travel agent that would give me a "holiday" from the Wench Mum...
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Mum. I love you, but can you leave me alone?
(are all mothers like this???? she is fucking insane!!!!)
Alas. I could not find a travel agent that would give me a "holiday" from the Wench Mum...
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Fabreze, Phone, & Wench Mum
Well there you have it. This is my mum sleeping. What is she sleeping next to? Febreze, just in case she wakes up in the middle of the night and there is a nasty smell (or something), and also her mobile phone which acts as her alarm, because the previous generation alarm clock decided to run of battery, and never went to get a new pair of "Panasonic Alkaline-Superdooper-Hyper-Last-For-The-Next-Century (or so advertised)" batteries. Lazy wench-mum!
Do you know many people who sleep next to airfreshner and their mobile phones, which they do not know how to use but have it anyway "just in case"? How many times have I woken up at 6am rushing to the wench-mum's room coz she is screaming "OOOHHHH, how do I turn this OFF, it just keeps on RINGING!!!"
"Wench-mum, you just hit this button that says off. See, now it works. Now can I go back to bed while you decide to clean the back of the TV, or something, at this ungodly hour?"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Friday, February 18, 2005
Madness Level Indicator
I do not know who the wench mum is talking to, because it certainly not me. This morning I caught her talking to the TV news anchor: "Good Moooooorning, Congo. Russia. What was it again? Yes, Yes. Can either of you put the kettle on? DWR, can you feed the cats? Brrrrr. It's cold in here. Tra La La La La! Spring time is here!"
(Mum, first those people are in the studio, they don't LIVE in the box. Second, you have already fed the cats. Third, the weather report says that it is going to snow today and tomorrow. Spring is NOT here. You said that it's cold yourself!)
I will say anything to keep that woman's madness our of my life: "Yes mum, I'll feed the cats. I'm feeding them now!" (pretending to put invisible additional cat food into their feeding bowls)
"Oh dear, what are you doing, DWR?"
"Um... Mum, you told me to feed the cats."
"But I have already fed them. You have nothing in your hands, la la la la leeeeey! Oh flowers, they are pretty, pretty, pretty!"
(GGGRRRR!!!!! I wish there was a madness level indicator to tell me the degree of insanity my mother is experiencing.)
Can someone remove her genes from me?
(Mum, first those people are in the studio, they don't LIVE in the box. Second, you have already fed the cats. Third, the weather report says that it is going to snow today and tomorrow. Spring is NOT here. You said that it's cold yourself!)
I will say anything to keep that woman's madness our of my life: "Yes mum, I'll feed the cats. I'm feeding them now!" (pretending to put invisible additional cat food into their feeding bowls)
"Oh dear, what are you doing, DWR?"
"Um... Mum, you told me to feed the cats."
"But I have already fed them. You have nothing in your hands, la la la la leeeeey! Oh flowers, they are pretty, pretty, pretty!"
(GGGRRRR!!!!! I wish there was a madness level indicator to tell me the degree of insanity my mother is experiencing.)
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Thursday, February 17, 2005
It's Born, It's Born!! Which One Is It?
I am a proud owner of two cats, Belle and George. My cats have a habit of sleeping under the covers, especially in the winter. The cats often sleep by my mother's feet, for she keeps the room a little bit warmer than me. I'm one of those people who likes to sleep with the windows open so that I wake up to the cool fresh air. I love the contrast between the warmth inside the duvet and the cool air that greets my cheeks in the morning. Unfortunately the cats do not agree with me on this one. They love the tropical feel of the Wench-Mum's room, and that is why they sleep with her.
This morning I heard her screeching in her usual manner:"It's born, it's born!! Which one is it? Oh look it's George!!!"
The crazy woman refers to the cats coming out from under the covers as 'being born'. "Oh who's popping out? Oh it's Belle." "Look, DWR, George is born from my bed!" "Looooooook, my bed gave birth to a kitty -- oh a biiiig, biiiig, kitty!!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
This morning I heard her screeching in her usual manner:"It's born, it's born!! Which one is it? Oh look it's George!!!"
The crazy woman refers to the cats coming out from under the covers as 'being born'. "Oh who's popping out? Oh it's Belle." "Look, DWR, George is born from my bed!" "Looooooook, my bed gave birth to a kitty -- oh a biiiig, biiiig, kitty!!!"
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Yes, My Mum Is Worthy Of A Blog
Yes. The Wench-Mum is worthy of a blog on her own. This I thought this morning when I caught her "Wiggling" on the floor again.
Me:"Mum, what are you doing? I made you some tea. Can you get up?" (what on earth is she doing!!!!!)
Wench Mum: "Ooooohhhhh. I am making sure that my fingers and my legs move to the music. Just in case I have to dance in the future. Plus I have not been for my morning Mantra."
(There is no music playing in the background. This woman is wiggling to complete silence. And I share genes with her -- can someone shoot me? They shoot horses, don't they? Fuck. I am doomed!!!)
Can someone remove her genes from me?
Me:"Mum, what are you doing? I made you some tea. Can you get up?" (what on earth is she doing!!!!!)
Wench Mum: "Ooooohhhhh. I am making sure that my fingers and my legs move to the music. Just in case I have to dance in the future. Plus I have not been for my morning Mantra."
(There is no music playing in the background. This woman is wiggling to complete silence. And I share genes with her -- can someone shoot me? They shoot horses, don't they? Fuck. I am doomed!!!)
Can someone remove her genes from me?
